March 11, 2013

March 11, 2013 has come and gone and I have survived.  This was my due date for our Addison.  I had prayed to God over the past few months to help me through this difficult day even pleading maybe if I could just be pregnant when this day rolled around it would make it easier.  Oddly enough this day came and went with little notice from me as I was knocked out from painkillers on the couch recovering from my ectopic surgery.

I am ashamed to admit that over the past several weeks I have grown further away from my Jesus.  He is the same as He was going in to this.  I have just stopped communicating with him.  My prayers have become recitations of prayer requests of many of those around me.  I saved only one request for myself that I have peace and patience and even maybe some understanding of why I am going through this difficult time.  And I have left it there no more personal prayers or conversations for me and my personal Jesus.  

I have repeated this prayer many times over the several weeks but I have never really listened or waited for an answer.  Then it dawned on me tonight strangely enough while watching the TV, I heard the story of Abraham and Sarah, this is at least the 5th time it has crossed my path in a few weeks.  Duh Laura maybe you need to read over this story in the bible again!

Here is a recap of the story for you.  Abraham and Sarah prayed feverishly for a child only to find themselves old and Sarah barren.  God had made a promise to them that they would have a their own child.  They grew older and human nature (impatience) crept into the situation.  Sarah gave her handmaid to her husband so that they may have a child and a son Ishmael was born to this handmaid Hagar and Abraham.  

"Behold, thou art with child, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath hear thy affliction." (Gen 16:9-11)

"the Lord hath heard thy affliction." This makes me snicker a little, I feel it is kind like God saying "yes Sarah I hear you complaining but please still be patient".  As a mother it reminds me of how my two year insists that cookies are perfectly normal for breakfast and he should have them NOW, and me arguing if he just be patient and eat breakfast and lunch he can have a cookie for snack.  I always wonder if we appear like a cranky impatient two year old to God sometimes? I feel we probably do more often than not.  Hold our breath, pout our lip, stomp our feet, screaming NOW NOW NOW.

More time passes without their own child but God reminds Abraham and Sarah of his promise to them.

"And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his seed after him." (Gen 17:19)

God even sent a messenger to Abraham and Sarah to remind them He had promised this and it would happen.

"And he [the messenger] said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son.  And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.  Now Abraham and Sarah were old and well stricken in age; and it ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women.  Therefore Sarah laughed..." (Gen 18:10-12)

"Sarah laughed..." It's easy knowing the ending to this story to think how dare Sarah doubt God and his promise.  But how often do we doubt God when things do not happen in our time frame.  I have to be the first to admit I have.  

Ultimately 14 years after Ishmael was born Abraham and Sarah did have the son God had promised them and he was named Isaac which means laughter.  "Laughter" no doubt is a constant reminder to Abraham and Sarah of their doubt in God's plan.

God has not promised me another child.  At this time I am unsure of His will and whether that includes adding another child to our family.  I am thankful to my God for reminding me that even though I have been less than a faithful servant lately, He has never left my side and He has had enough patience for both of us.  I am thankful to Him for giving me the story of Abraham and Sarah as a lesson that I need to be patient and willing to wait on the Lord and believe in His will.

It's been a long time since we have talked.....

A lot has happened over the last 2 months....

We began this year excited to be pregnant again only to find out in February that we had another miscarriage.   The doctor had been monitoring me for the past few weeks because my hormone levels were not going down like they were supposed to after a miscarriage.  Friday 3/9/13 I had the worst pain I have ever felt in my life and rushed to the ER.  Apparently the reason my hormone levels wouldn't drop was because the pregnancy was still there.  I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured causing all that pain, my doctor did surgery on Saturday to remove the damage and bleeding from the rupture.  The rupture caused damage to my right fallopian tube and it had to be removed.

On a good note we welcomed my beautiful nephew Brentley on February 3rd.  He is such a sweet sweet baby, he is so good and he is such a blessing to us all.

E and J love their baby cousin so much and can't wait until he is big enough to wrestle and play outside with them.

Our pregnancy problems over the past 6 months have been a real struggle as we do not feel that our family is complete yet.  We would love to add another little one to our household and know that it will be on God's timeline and not our own.  We are trying to be patient and wait.

I look at my boys and now that I am incredibly blessed.  God has gifted us two rambunctious healthy boys who keep me busy all hours of the day and fill my life with love and joy.

We are almost finished with our first year of homeschooling.  Jackson has already successfully completed all of his kindergarten classes and is 1/3 of the way through his 1st grade lessons.  He reads very well and is wonderful at math.  His favorite subject is science which may end up being a struggle for me as it was my least favorite subject.  It might be a subject that Daddy takes over teaching.  I am so very proud of him, it is really hard for him to stay focused at times and he has completed so much despite this.